I Stand With You, Not Against You

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Oh hello there, it’s been a little while, the holidays had me focused on relaxing and enjoying my time with loved ones…so after a little time off, here I am! (crowd goes wild) My first post of 2015 is an important message for every lovely lady out there.  Recently I was in ear shot of some unbelievably horrible behavior involving human beings… (hold onto your seat) this is a hard one to guess… it was a bunch of women. (can you believe it? insert shocked face here)…my own kind, my sisters? my partners in crime? my role models? Now, I am not going to get deep into the story but I can tell you it involves women being cruel, catty, having no confidence (which makes me sad) and just being super mean. It has nothing to do with me mind you, just something I witnessed, but I am so sick of this dreadful behavior and need to discuss it.

 Now I have been exposed to this behavior before many times by women around me, (even my own so-called friends) I have been treated badly or been an outcast because of someone else insecurity issues…(I am sure many of you all have experienced this) but never a victim mind you, for I am and always have been confident (not cocky or arrogant) just simply confident. I did not get that confidence from the teachings of my Mother, Sister, Aunt or any role model actually. I found it in myself (go me! woo hoo) I have a handful of nieces and friends with daughters… I wonder will they learn that confidence is key, kindness is a must and loving yourself is the most important love ever.  So as the new year begins I have a little something that I would like to share, I hope it gives you all something to hold onto, practice and preach.

 Learn how to give and except compliments from and to other women. 

Try it, nothing bad is going to happen.. you won’t melt, your tongue won’t fall off and your teeth will stay intact, open up your mouth smile and say something nice. Maybe you only like getting compliments, OK than…well think about how it makes you feel, why would you not want to share that feeling? When a woman compliments another woman, that shows confidence & strength. Weakness and insecurity, well that is putting another woman down.. it takes way more energy to be angry/mean than kind and thoughtful. let’s be role models: get it into your heads, there will always be someone prettier, richer, funnier, happier, stronger (I can keep going here) that does not mean that we are less or that they are better.

My favorite line is “oh she does not need it”, or “she already knows” (let’s say she is super model gorgeous) oh OK really… how do you know?… what if she gets a hundred compliments a day but the only one that matters is yours?! Women don’t dress up for men, women dress up for other women…they are looking for your approval. I give out compliments all day long and I mean them, I don’t just throw them around (nothing ever backhanded) I call it as I see it, if you are fabulous or have done something awesome, I am going to tell you and that is it.  I have made people cry by just saying something nice…. I won’t and can’t stop ever. It’s the best feeling in the world making someone else’s day.

And please learn how to take a compliment, just say “Thank you” We women have this odd urge to do this…… oh my hair is off, or I have bags under my eyes, or I am so bloated… just say “thank you” It is OK to be appreciated, admired and doted on.  Enjoy it, take it in and soak it up!

Can we stop treating each other like rivals? 

 I noticed an abundance of no love and support toward other women even on social media. Some women can take all the support and compliments a person can muster, but never ever return it. If you like someone’s work, art, photos, or blog. If you think they are lovely…tell them, follow them, support them. In order to live a positive life, you need to spread positive vibes and give back. I so wish everyone would give it a try, the worst thing that could happen is you make someone’s day and you might find your self smiling from ear to ear.

I am not your competition, you are not mine!

Start saying that phrase  over and over until it sinks in.  The truth remains, most women/girls treat each other like bitter rivals. Now not every woman is like this, I certainly am not and I know plenty of wonderful woman & you my reader maybe one of them. So for 2015, how about we stop criticizing each other’s personalities? No more comparing ourselves to other woman. Let’s put and end to being jealous or un-happy when another woman accomplishes something wonderful. Stop shaming each other and enough with being fake already!..oh and stop being a green-eyed monster (um, if you have green eyes, then just stop being a monster!)  Let’s start supporting, complimenting and celebrating each other. We are a team ladies, and well… there is no I in team.

XOXO

 © photos and content belong to thefab3.com

44 thoughts on “I Stand With You, Not Against You

  1. This is wonderful! My favorite line is “I wonder will they learn that confidence is key, kindness is a must and loving yourself is the most important love ever.” When we learn this soooo much will change. Thanks for this!

    Liked by 2 people

    1. Thank you so much for reading this post and for taking the time to comment. I do hope even if a few of us work hard to make a difference others will follow!

      Like

  2. My dear sweet friend, I am in love with this post. I always tell people “ALWAYS” compliment the girl with the cute shoes, tell that lovely women how fabulously lovely she is, and for the love of everything, do not be afraid to except the compliments in return.. because once you put them out there.. you will receive them back ( this should not be the goal, btw) tenfold. For, you “ALWAYS” get what you put in!! Love you, love your blog… and OMG.. this picture of you is STUNNING!!! ❤

    Liked by 2 people

    1. Sabrina, You are so right! and it starts a wonderful chain effect!
      Thank you for being awesome and supportive you! For reading my posts, taking the time to comment. Sabrina you always take the time to remind me that I am special! You are a true friend, I hope that I make you feel the same way, because you my dear are so special and amazing. Don’t ever change!

      Love you
      Heather

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  3. I absolutely love this message here..we are a species of their own and have fought together for our freedom of speech and our own rights. So why do we compete with each other? Why are we so cruel and mean to each other? Ive been in all aspects of the good, the bad and the ugly and now lead a positive life. Its just takes a small change daily and it can change you life forever. Love yourself, love others and women lets love each other! It takes more energy to hate than it does love, so why not make someones day and compliment them. Its an amazing feeling and you dont know whose going through what in their life and it could change someones life. Lets stand together again women and live happy lives drama & cruel free! Great post! Beautiful pictures as always!

    Lauren Baxter
    LB Designs
    Xx

    Liked by 2 people

    1. Lauren, I love everything you said, we have all done it, even if we really did not mean too, and the sad thing is it starts early, we need to teach our little girls how to be kind and compliment early, not tear each other down and treat other girls as outcasts. I remember feeling that I was always in competition even as a little girl and thinking why do I have to work so hard for these friendships, why is that little girl better than me? I hope we all continue to grow and to realize that we have the power to change it. Thank you for taking the time to read this post and comment. It means so very much!

      Heather

      Liked by 1 person

      1. Thank you! Its hurts me how cruel women are to each other. Now that im a more positive person i notice so much more and its sad. But we can easily change it and your absolutely right we start with our little girls and it could change everything. Exsactly! It should just come easy if we re meant to be friends! Absolutely! Beautiful writing and a topic that hits home and is a huge problem! If we band together we can do something! It starts here 🙂

        thank you!

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  4. Such amazing post Heather. I was living in a dormitory with girls, so I know what are they capable of. I don’t think they do it on purpose, it is just as you said lack of confidence and not thinking they are worth it maybe. Either way, this was one of the reasons why I have almost all male friends 🙂 Mel
    http://www.livingoncloude9.com

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Melisa,

      I understand, I too have only a handful of wonderful girlfriends, it is a cycle I hope with a little effort we can break. If we all just remember to be kind to each other and lift each other up, we might in fact rule the world!

      Heather

      Liked by 1 person

  5. Perfectly said my beautiful niece! Beauty is only skin deep – real beauty comes from within – from the heart! I do not know why women are so catty and shallow – trust me they do not get better with age – most just get worse. So young ladies who read this follow Heather’s lead and make a resolution to just be KIND to all people! Love you my dear ……Aunt Deb

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Thanks so much Aunt D, for taking the time to read and comment. I know it does not get better with age, I see it all the time still and still get treated as if I am the enemy on a daily basis by other women. I wish my confidence did not make them feel intimated but instead would rub off and help them feel strong. Here is to hoping one day at a time women band together instead of going in opposite directions.

      Love you so much and let’s plan some time together!
      Heather

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  6. I can’t tell you how much I can relate to this post!! Seems like a never ending issue for me dealing with some of the women in my life. Thank you for keeping it real. Confidence is truly key here, in fact my sister and I were having a discussion about this the other day. I wonder what it will take to for women to finally band together and stop bashing each other?! This is truly an amazing reminder and a great place to start. xo

    Liked by 1 person

    1. I am so glad you read this post and took the time to comment, I think its so important that we realize how much of us all feel the power of the negativity that comes from these awful actions. It effects so much of us and sometimes we don’t come back from it. Every woman has something amazing to the table. Sometimes confidence is mistaken for arrogance by women who are not confident which is very sad. It starts from within and from having strong and loving women that stand by each other. I am sorry you have to deal with this issue and I understand as I do to and more often then I would like. I received so many positive messages on instagram and than smack in the face, this woman I do not know who read into the message wrong cut me down and said things to me without knowing me, she did not read this post either, so the sad thing is she did exactly what I wrote about… (sighs)

      Heather

      Liked by 1 person

      1. I appreciate your reply Heather and completely agree. It really is sad, but I think the more we open up and speak about these issues, the more people can be reached and the stronger we’ll become, so thank you again for sharing! That’s what’s so wonderful about blogging/social media. Despite some negativity, meeting and connecting with others who can relate and support with genuine intention, truly makes all the difference! x

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  7. Yes!!! I love this post and am on the exact same page as you! I also get really frustrated when I hear women say “I don’t get along with other women”. Ugh! I LOVE giving compliments! You make them happy, they appreciate you noticing, it all comes back full circle eventually. I have a lot of fabulous amazing female friends that I love and admire and when they achieve great things I am happy for them! You should encourage and support, not cut people down. I truly believe in this context that you get back what you put out – and in my life it has paid off in spades. Let’s all spread positivity!

    Liked by 1 person

    1. I can not stand hearing that too! I wish women would realize that just because another woman is confident or outgoing it does not make her the enemy, in fact they can learn from her! Thank you for taking the time to read this post and comment, it is so important that we all share our stories. I am so very glad you realize the power of a compliment. It is so much easier to be nicer even to the ladies who are not being so nice than to be mean and hurtful.

      Heather

      Liked by 1 person

    1. Thank you for taking the time to read this post and comment. So when this happens I think the best course of action is to keep smiling, stand your ground proudly and push out as much kindness and confidence to they realize how amazing you are!

      Heather

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    1. Thays, Thank you for reading this post and taking the time to comment! It would be great if we realized the power behind smiling and being nice, a compliment instead of being awful and cutting each other down. I am also glad I met you on here dear, you are very inspiring yourself!

      Much Love
      Heather

      Liked by 1 person

      1. Completely agree♡ to be completely happy yoursef, you have to treat others with kindness. It’s actually really sad to see people talking bad about others…it showas they have nothing better to do:/ I read this book called The Happiness Project. I think you will really enjoy it. It where I learnt a lot from being kind to others and being happier myself:)♡
        Have a lovely weekend dear!

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  8. I think some people believe, if people are looking at you badly, they won’t have time to look at them and their faults. That’s when the cattiness comes out. When that happens, I always remember I wasn’t put on this earth to entertain negativity, I was put on this earth to accomplish something. And unfortunately negativity doesn’t help that cause. So I cut it out and keep it moving. Great post.

    Kay of Pure & Complex
    http://www.purecomplex.com

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Kay, well said my friend! It is true, it is easier to pull apart the other woman than deal for them to have to deal with your their issues. I have cut out a lot of those people, (moving 3000 miles away helps too) One of the many reasons I became a personal trainer was to help others, make them healthy inside and out, instill confidence. Here is to hoping we can change the world, one woman at a time, it really starts with self love, kind words and awareness. Thank you for taking the time to read this post and comment.

      Have a wonderful weekend my new friend!

      Like

    1. Patricia, you are so right…its such a simple fix too, kindness, compliments instead of cuts… confidence & self respect.. if every woman tried it, we would so rule the world! Thank you for reading this post and for taking the time to comment.

      Have a beautiful day
      Heather

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  9. This is such an important message and I love that you are taking the time to share it, especially as your first post of 2015! What a great way to start off the year!! It also makes me so sad when women feel as though they need to be in competition with other women!

    I love your blog, I love what you stand for, and never ever stop!! ❤

    xxx
    Camilla
    http://avenuecamilla.com

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Unfortunately, it starts when ladies are young and not around strong role models. Beauty is skin deep, belongings, what we have, what we don’t have – does not matter, but a lot of women don’t see it that way. If women tried compliments, not cuts, self respect, not self loathing, not taking a confident woman for being arrogant.. I can keep going here…

      I just wish we all put a hand on each others backs instead of shoving each other in the chest! Thank you for taking the time to read this post and comment. I am glad we bumped into each other in the cyber world my gorgeous friend! Thank you for always being supportive.

      Heather

      Like

    1. Thank you for reading this post and commenting, I am glad you can take something away from it! I think its so important we are all aware and really work at lifting each other up.

      XOXO
      Heather

      Liked by 1 person

  10. I read this post a while back but didn’t have time to comment. What an amazing post and so timely. On the day I came across it, I had a similar conversation with my mom. When I admire or like something about a person I tell them. If anything I want to learn from them not be against them. I don’t understand the mindset of women who are constantly bringing others down. It’s not worth anyone’s time and only makes them look bad.

    I loved when you said “confidence is key, kindness is a must and loving yourself is the most important love ever.” These are definitely words to live by.

    Like

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